Rock n Roll Baby Read online

  Her breath comes fast. The phone screen goes white again but that’s okay because soon I can hear her--the soft sucking noise as her fingers start moving in and out of her sex. “That’s it, baby. You sound so sexy. Those are my fingers down there. It’s my hand you’re riding. Fuck yourself on my hand. Come for me.”

  She cries out, a muted sound as if she stuffed her fist into her mouth so she’s not so loud. I come in a long, milky jet across my fist and stomach. It’s not the same as being together, but it’s something. “I love you, baby.”

  “Same, baby. Love you so much.”

  Chapter Ten

  Cherry

  “Hear your man dumped you.” I look up at June, who is standing over my desk with a smug look on her face. I roll my eyes at her before looking back down at the job application I’m currently filling out for a daycare center. I’ve been giving some thought to going into nursing. Pediatrics interests me the most. I’ve always loved babies. Being able to help them or care for them seems the best route to go.

  Nursing feels like a safe bet. They are usually in high demand. I know I can make a really good living off of it. It might not be a career I’ve always dreamed of having, but maybe if there are babies in the mix I might end up loving it. I’m not worried about the academic part of it; I know that I’ll work hard. I’m more worried about the financial aspect.

  “I’m talking to you.” June slams her hand down, shaking the whole lunch table. She wants nothing more than to get a reaction out of me and I’m not going to take the bait.

  “And I’m not talking to you,” I mutter. I don’t have time for her stupid games. Linc has been gone for a few weeks. No, he didn’t break up with me, but there is still a hole in my chest. I thought with time it would get better. It hasn't. With each day that passes it only seems to get deeper.

  “We all knew he’d leave you when he made it big.” Smugness coats her words. They haven't made it big yet but they will. The past few weeks have been filled with paperwork and lawyers. The boys have also been in and out of studios while getting showered with all sorts of things. Treat was showing them the life he could give them.

  I know they are close to signing a deal. From there I have no idea what will happen. Linc’s calls have already slowed down. He still texts all the time, but I have to face reality. He is only going to get busier. How will he start to feel when I’m not around? Linc loves affection. I won’t be there to give it to him. Not to mention I super sucked at the phone sex thing. Last time we talked he didn't even try to lead into it like he normally does. He’s become a little distant and distracted, but I’m sure that’s normal since he’s being pulled in a million different directions.

  “Is there something you need, June, or are you just doing your normal bitch thing?” I won’t entertain her silly comments about Linc. At least not in front of her. His distance might hurt me, but I won’t give her the satisfaction of seeing it.

  “It’s a shame that your meal ticket left you behind.”

  “You’re pathetic, June.” So much for keeping my mouth shut. I’m so over her crap. This is stupid high school shit. Real life is starting.

  “I think you have me confused with your family, sweetheart.”

  I probably should be offended by her words, but they’re the truth. There’s nothing she could say about them that I haven’t heard or thought myself before. “You’re not better than anyone. You couldn't keep Linc. Now you really know that.” With that, she turns, strolling off.

  What did that even mean? I’ve never thought I was better than anyone. I look up to see people looking my way. They turn, trying to pretend they weren't watching the show. Is that what everyone here thinks? I suddenly feel very out of place. This whole school feels different without Linc. I grab my stuff, shoving everything into my backpack. My stomach starts to turn.

  “Not again,” I whisper to myself as I pick up my pace, heading into one of the girls' bathrooms. I barely make it into the stall and the donuts I ate from the vending machine for lunch are coming up. I close my eyes as emotions flood me. This can’t be happening. When I exit the stall, a few girls snicker walking out. I catch my reflection in the mirror. I look tired. I am tired. I’ve been sleeping like shit. I thought it was because I was missing Linc, but maybe there is more to it. There is only one way to find out. That will have to wait, though. I still have one more class to get through.

  The rest of the day drags by slowly. When it’s finally time to leave, I head straight to the pharmacy thankful Linc left me his car. My hands are shaking by the time I get home. I read the directions. I can’t be pregnant but it’s the only thing that adds up. I'm on the pill. I read the directions three more times as if they are hard to understand before taking the test.

  My phone rings a few times in my bag. I know it’s Linc, but I can’t answer it now. I have to know. This could change so much for both of us. I stare down at the test, waiting for the lines to show up. How long did it say? Then within seconds the two blue lines come up. I drop back down onto the toilet, my body going numb. My phone keeps ringing. I bring my hand to my stomach.

  I am pregnant. My eyes fill with tears. How can I be happy and so fucking scared at the same time? What will Linc say? Will he be excited or as freaked out as me?

  “Will you turn that fucking phone off? I'm trying to take a damn nap.” My mom bangs on the bathroom door.

  “Sorry,” I shout back, grabbing the phone out of my bag. “Hey,” I answer.

  “You okay? I’ve been calling since school got out.”

  “Yeah. What’s going on?” I hear Nick and Benjy in the background, clearly excited about something.

  “We signed, Cherry. We have a label.”

  “I knew it.” I burst into tears. I don’t know if they’re happy, sad or everything in between. “You did it.”

  “I love you so damn much, baby. We’re going to have it all.” I cry hard. He’s getting everything he’s ever wanted.

  “I love you too.” I sit down on the floor, tucking my legs into my body. “Tell me everything.” I close my eyes, listening to his voice. It’s the one thing that has always grounded me. My news will have to wait for another time.

  Chapter Eleven

  Linc

  I’m on edge. Nick and Benjy would say it’s because we are about to take the stage at the Troubadour, a legendary LA nightclub. It is the right reason to be nervous. This club has hosted everyone from Elton John and Tom Waits to Joni Mitchell. Playing on the same stage as those legends would give anyone butterflies. I think that’s why Nick’s already broken one drumstick and Benjy can’t stop fiddling with his bass strings, but I’m not worried about our set at all. There’s never been a time where we’ve practiced more or a period where we’ve been so completely immersed in our music from the time we get up until we go to bed.

  We’ve been in the studio with beatmakers and songwriters who have written such huge hits that I feel like I don’t belong in the same room as them. And I’m having fun working with all these legends and icons. The music that we’ve been making is the best we’ve ever laid down.

  I should be on the top of the world and I’m almost there. Like, I’m right below the apex but I can’t stop thinking about—and missing—Cherry. Even now as we’re about to step out into the spotlight, I feel off as if my guitar is slightly out of tune or I’m half a beat slow. All the lyrics coming out of me are sad as fuck, too, even for the bops.

  Jerry, one of the beatmakers who has created tracks for the biggest artists in the world, says that he’s never heard a guy who is so in love make songs so full of sorrow. The one that everyone agrees will be the lead single is about how there’s no sound in my life anymore. I’m alone and the bed’s so cold / the night’s still / even the crickets aren’t chirping / poured myself a beer / turned the tv on / but there’s no sound and my heart’s still hurting

  Cherry and I aren’t breaking up. That’s not ever going to happen, but it does feel like I’m missing a limb. She’s bac
k home and I’m here, and even though the lights are about to be brighter and hotter than anything I’ve ever experienced, it doesn’t feel completely right.

  I want her here bad, but there’s a tiny part of me that acknowledges this label signing, this path I’m taking, might fall through. And if it does fall through, I’ll be back in Shindale with my tail between my legs begging for that factory job. Cherry needs her high school diploma because she’s got a whole thing called college as an option. I can’t fuck with that. I’m not that selfish.

  “You with us?” Nick slaps me on the back with one of his drumsticks.

  It’s a hard and sharp feeling, but one that gets my attention, which was his intention. I nod because I’m the leader and if I don’t give out the right energy, the whole set will suck. “Never better.”

  “Fucking liar,” he says. His tone is more worried than mad.

  “First time at the Troubadour. The head of our new label is out front, taking a heat check on the crowd. We’re playing a couple of songs we just whipped up in the last two weeks. Of course, I’m a little nervous.”

  “Bullshit.” Benjy joins us on my other side. “It’s Cherry.”

  “Yeah. She’s not going to be sitting left of stage.”

  “Would you two shut up?” Hearing them say what I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about is only making matters worse. I roll my shoulders back and jump in place to loosen up.

  “What’s the problem?” Our new manager, Hal, has come over. I made the suggestion that Cherry be our manager. She was the one that sent the song to Treat in the first place, but everyone jumped down my throat over the idea. Cherry was too young. She didn’t have any connections. I would ruin her life taking her out of school and forcing her to deal with assholes in the industry who think that a woman’s place is on her back or knees. It was the last one that made me pipe down.

  “He’s missing Cherry,” Nick says before I can tell him to shut up.

  “She’s been at every gig since we started,” Benjy chimes in.

  “She has, has she?” Treat gives me a look as if weighing whether signing me is already a mistake.

  “Some guys are addicted to drugs and alcohol. I’ve got one weakness. It’s Cherry at my port of call,” I quip. “Nah, I’m going to be fine. This is the Troubadour, after all.”

  “You writing lyrics as we talk is why I signed you.” Treat clamps a hard hand on my shoulder right above the space where Nick lashed me. Don’t fuck up, his eyes say.

  “I got an idea,” Hal says. He holds up a giant teddy bear—the kind that scares the shit out of you when you stumble downstairs to get a glass of water and you spy it out of the corner of your eye, looming on the sofa where no one should be sitting that time of night. “This is going to sit where Cherry usually does. In the morning, we’ll get your girl to send us a shirt or something and this bear will wear it while you do your gigs.”

  “That’s not a bad plan,” Nick says.

  Benjy nods. “Yeah, that works, don’t it, Linc?”

  “Why not?” I actually have a better idea but I’ll put that into action after the gig is over. “Thanks, Hal.”

  The short man smiles. “That’s what I’m here for—to solve your problems.”

  The set goes off without a hitch. The crowd is fucking insane. We do three encores and there are so many people that want to meet us that we don’t get out of the club until four hours after our set ended. Only Nick and Benjy know this isn’t the best performance I’ve given. The next day only one review of ten mentions the giant teddy bear in the midst of talking about our fresh new sound and how we’re bringing rock back into the mainstream. We’re on our way, Treat says. I nod and smile and place the order. If I’m going to have a teddy bear in place of Cherry, it’s not wearing something of hers. It’s got to have skin to skin contact.

  Sleep with this would you, baby? I write in the notes box of the order. I can’t play without you here and since you can’t be with me, this is the next best thing. I love you.

  Chapter Twelve

  Cherry

  “I put in the order wrong for table seven. You want it?” Minnie places a cheeseburger with fries down onto the table where I’m currently taking my break. She and I have quickly formed a friendship since she gave me this job. I know her better than she thinks I do. I’m onto her. She didn’t mess up any order; she just wants to feed me.

  In the short time I’ve known her I know not to bother arguing with her. Plus, I am hungry. I was planning on eating when I got home. I’ve been trying to save money and eat some cereal but the burger smells so freaking good. I can’t resist her charity tonight. I’ll find some way to pay her back.

  “I’d love it.” I close my small laptop, pushing it aside. Minnie sits down with me. It’s late and only a few tables are taken. These days are long and while I’m grateful for this job, it makes me realize how important it is for me to focus on my schooling. I need to make sure that I’m able to provide for my little one.

  “Watching your man?” She smiles at me, stealing a fry off my plate.

  “Maybe.” I feel my face warm. I think I’m turning into a stalker. I watch all the videos that end up on YouTube or ones they put up on the Instagram live. I am so happy for them. Their dreams are coming true. I am happy to have a way to still see them perform. I miss seeing it live. I miss seeing Linc in the flesh. These videos are the only glimpses I get into his life these days. God, I miss how things used to be so much. The hole in my chest only keeps growing.

  “You know Benny and I were high school sweethearts.” Ben and Minnie have been married for a few decades. They own the small diner that sits a few miles outside of town. It’s a mix of our town and the next one over. It’s nice that I don't know every person that walks in the front door.

  Word about Linc is starting to spread. They are already making a name for themselves and everyone has been giving me sympathy looks as though I’ve been dumped. I hear the whispers too. I ignore them but at night when I lie in bed I can’t help but hear them loud and clear. Even though I know they aren’t true, the distance between Linc and me has taken a toll on me.

  “I did know that.” They are utterly adorable. He’s always got his eyes on her even from the kitchen. It often reminds me of Linc. It’s how I pictured he’d still look at me after all those years. My heart grows heavier, wondering if we’ll make it that far. He hasn't been gone long and I’m already questioning everything. It doesn’t help that I’m keeping this secret from him.

  I still haven't gotten up the courage to tell him I’m pregnant. Nick told me Linc is already struggling. If I told him about the baby he’d come running back here. It’s not as though the baby is here yet. I haven't even gone to the doctor. I am trying to find one that’s not in our town. Linc needs to focus on what he’s doing. Being here hovering over me because I’m knocked up isn't going to do anything but lose him the opportunity of a lifetime. It’s not something I’m willing to let happen. I don’t know what my plan actually is, but I’ve got some time to figure it out.

  “If you love each other it will work out.”

  “I don’t think love will ever be our problem.”

  “Yeah, but sometimes we get in the way of ourselves. You should take this time to grow into yourself. We all gotta do a little growing on our own.” She pops the fry into her mouth, standing from the booth. “It’s going to be okay.” I really must be wearing all my emotions on my sleeve. “We’re slow so if you want to head out after you eat, have at it.”

  “Thanks,” I say as she heads back toward another table to check on them. I think over what she said. I’m not sure I agree with her. Why do we have to grow alone sometimes? I’ve always been alone until Linc came into my life. He has shown me what it means to be loved and cherished. I’ve gone so long without having that from my parents. I place my hand on my belly for a moment. Silently telling my little one that no matter what happens, they’ll always be loved. I will be a better mom than mine ever was.

/>   I eat my cheeseburger and fries before I pack up my stuff and see to anything else I can do before I leave. The tips have been good here so far. My phone rings as I head out to my car.

  “Hey.” I drop my stuff into the passenger seat.

  “Cherry.” Linc breathes into the phone. He should be having the time of his life right now, but Nick is right. Linc doesn't sound like himself. He sounds tired.

  “I love you.”

  “Never gets old hearing you say that. I love you too, Cherry.” It never gets old hearing him say it either. He’s the only person that’s ever said those words to me.

  “Don’t you have a show you should be getting ready for?”

  “I suppose. I just needed to hear your voice first. What are you doing?”

  “I ate a cheeseburger and now I’m heading home.” It was the truth. I haven't told him about the new job. He would try and send me money or worry more over me. It's weird keeping things from him. Another reminder that things are changing.

  “I’ve got to come home soon and see you.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” I try to reassure him.

  “You might be but I’m fucking not.” It would be a lie if I didn't admit that a part of me likes that he is missing me so much. But I love him and will always do what I think is right for him. I know he’d do the same for me.

  “We’ll see each other soon. I promise.”

  “I’m going to call you when I’m done. We might be thousands of miles apart but we can still go to bed together.”

  “I’ll wait up for you. FaceTime me and I’ll have a surprise for you.”

  “Oh fuck, Cherry.” He groans into the phone. I knew that would perk him up. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m hiding a bigger surprise from him.